We often believe we have finally met someone who will understand us, accept us, and even (no matter how immature or self-serving we may be).
As anthropologist Helen Fisher points out, when falling in love our brains are flooded with dopamine—a neurotransmitter that effectively glues you to your partner, magnifies your partner’s virtues, and reduces your capacity to discern his or her flaws.
But know that you already have what you need within yourself.
Know what you can and can’t expect from the people in your life. Let them be there for you in the way that they can be, and be everything you can be for them.
As much as we may feel that’s the only way to get there. This conversation is especially difficult to have with clients who are living with a chronic condition like HIV. The ongoing challenges of living with their condition can feel overwhelming at times, maybe all the time.
It is an open secret that this phase of a relationship is difficult. There’s one port in the storm that you can always count on. Feeling adrift in the often turbulent waters of life?And expecting someone else to anticipate my every need is not very realistic. At the risk of being too blunt, this port is dependent on what they can get from other people. I often talk to clients about how to be self-reliant. They may express their disappointment that they don’t have that special someone to share life with. It just means that you don’t allow this to be the end of the story. It has been my experience that becoming more self-reliant is a learning process. Listen to your gut, that little voice inside of you. You might need to go off by yourself in a quiet place.