The Virus On some level I was prepared for the assholes, because I know enough people who’ve dated online to know that good manners and 10th-grade spelling abilities are underrepresented in the world I’d so reluctantly just joined. True, I still recognized it for the maniacal word vomit that it was, and true, I rolled my eyes so hard at “I know beauty. I didn’t respond, but I’m ashamed to admit that I kept that message because I thought it was really about me. The Cry for Help There must come a time, after you’ve been online dating for months or even years, when you feel your spirit leaving your body. You’ll still sign in and look at people’s profiles, just to pass the time, but you won’t think of them as humans any longer. Some part of me knows that what you are supposed to do when you want to get to know someone is ask him/her questions about him/herself, and not just because you hope you can then turn the conversation back around to you.What I was not prepared for were the copy-pasters, the virus transmitters, the people who apparently send identical messages (or gently mutated versions thereof) to the owner of every female profile they can find. Its my drug” that my eyes fell out of my head and I had to pop them back in. They might look like people, but then so do you, and you know that all you are anymore is a shell. It’s hard to know for sure when it will happen, though my experience suggests that you’re probably getting close when you find yourself sending messages like the ones below. “I need to laugh right now, since I was broken up with on Valentine’s day. And we can discuss the annunaki, nibiru, and the blue spirals! Some part of me knows that I would never stroll into a bar announcing my various accomplishments and character traits to a guy I thought was hot—so why would I (or anyone in their right mind) do the same thing in a message?
I don’t know that he can even do any of these things, nor does he have any reason to believe I’d have any interest in participating in these things. I work in corporate IT management and Twincities being small for management consulting, I have to be little discreet about my fitness modeling!Sometimes it’s just clear that you should have joined the convent like your third-grade teacher suggested. For the record, none of these messages garnered a response.In any case, here are some all-too-real examples of negging in action. “Oh man, my freshman year roommate was a total ISTJ, one of the worst guys I’ve known. None of these messages even garnered a half-second’s consideration of a response.But I am not talking about outlines or brief boilerplate messages. I am talking about excruciatingly detailed compliments. Just came across your post and really its seems to be very honest and clear i would surely like to know u better Well I am looking for a nice to be friends with and then take it from there and i really wanna take care of her I am pretty well off and well educated..i guess I know how to treat a woman . ” Perhaps not surprisingly, this message came from someone with whom I shared a higher enemy percentage than match percentage. He was like our Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but the opposite. “I’m just being real here, I know this is completely random and I know you have entirely no clue who I am, but I was looking through profiles and saw yours and I was blown away. Mean while showing my humorous side in our delightful conversation on things we’ve done and hope to accomplish in our futures.I am talking about sickness—a viral kind of pathology that sneaks up on you, tells you you’re special, and then kills you. Nah, maybe we just meet up and dive into a grand discussion walking around Mall of America, grab some coffee or tea and possibly take in some people watching or I carry the bags while you shop.
I say “apparently” because I wouldn’t have known this was the case had I not signed up for Ok Cupid along with Jenna, and later my other friend Rylee, and watched with horror as our inboxes filled up with a not insubstantial number of the very same messages from the very same users. It’s that “right mind” part that really makes the difference, isn’t it?